From Social Fear, Constant Uneasiness and Overthinking to Happy, Free and Socially Confident (Step-by-Step)
You want to finally do something about the anxious feelings you get at work and in school. The feelings that keep you constantly in your head and make you tense up whenever a social interaction is about to occur. You’ve hit your breaking point, but, you don’t know what to do to actually start moving forward.
By the end of this article, you’ll know step-by-step how to stop this from ever tormenting your life again. Your victory in social comfort and psychological freedom, is now finally on the horizon.
We need to understand why you’re here and what this Breaking Point means for you.
This “Breaking Point” I speak of likely feels like immense anger and rage at your brain for being such an asshole all the time, for so long. At least it felt that way for me. You’ve reached this point because your lack of social competency, anxiety, overthinking and Obsessive Compulsive (OCD) tendencies have persisted for too long and the daily suffering has become too much to bear. You’ve tried so many weird little methods of socialising like a “normal” human being, such as smiling the way everyone else does, trying constant eye contact, agreeing with everything people say and trying to mingle with groups of people.
Now this emotion you’re feeling, what does it mean for you?
It means you’re ready to start working on the 3 key areas of your life that contribute to neurological change, which in simple terms means change in the way your mind works and how your body reacts to life.
The 3 key areas include Knowledge, Skills and Self (KSS). For simplicity’s sake, we’re going to refer to your struggle leading up to this point as “Anxiety”. Since Anxiety is defined by MedilinePlus.gov as, “a feeling of dread, fear and uneasiness… that does not go away and can get worse over time”, which if you ask me feels pretty accurate. From this day forward, you’ll be learning how to reduce the negative impact of anxiety on your life. Yes you read that right, we’re not going to be eliminating social anxiety for good.
Why not? Because if you’re anything like I was 2 years ago, then you need to acknowledge that this is how your brain genetically works. This shouldn’t stress you out, instead it should inspire you. Reason being, similar to what Robert Greene describes in the 48 Laws of Power, Law 2, turning an enemy into an ally is much more powerful than eliminating him. You’re gonna learn how to use your funky brain to your f*cking advantage. You have no idea the power you possess.
When I was 12 years old, I was treated by a Psychologist in Wollongong, NSW, Aus for OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). It’s likely I inherited this disorder from my Dad, who’s brain also works in peculiar, and arguably spectacular ways. I was obsessive about completing certain compulsive actions in order to relieve strange urges in my body, which I described to my psych as “hot and cold feelings”.
One of the first ones was putting my head under water in the bathtub and snorting water into my nose. It f*cken sucked man.
As the years went on, my OCD habits became fewer in numbers and less severe. However, I continued to face the exact same issue as you, until one seemingly random Thursday afternoon, around 2:30pm. I walked to my Dad’s house from school at around 16 years old (Year 10 in High-School), where I dropped my heavy black school bag on the floor of my bedroom and walked up to my full-wall mirror. I looked myself dead in the eyes and said word-for-word, “Riley, I fucking hate you”. … I’d never admitted anything so deeply honest in my entire life.
I stared into the reflection of my eyes for possibly 30-45 seconds. In that moment, I decided that I hated my brain and the way it worked. But in the next moment, I asked myself if I really meant what I said, and I did. So I thought something along the lines of, “something needs to change. Now”.
We now understand why you’re here and what you’re aiming to achieve - that’s step one. What’s the next step?
I’m gonna be honest. After I decided that Thursday afternoon that something needed to change, I found at-home workouts to do. I did pushups, side-planks and squat jumps. I remember finding this fit Tiktok influencer man’s routine and just started doing it daily. To make time for this, I also started waking up at 6am and because I was motivated to change, I woke up with only one alarm :0
This prepared me for 5am mornings which gave me time not only to work out, but to research crypto investing afterwards. However, it took me a few months to start the crypto habit. Investing in crypto and losing $7000 made me seek a safer alternative in ETF’s (Exchange Traded Funds), which I started learning about through The Simple Path to Wealth. All this action made me want to know more about my future, therefore I tried to find my Purpose and learn more about Self-Acceptance, since I hated my brain at this point and felt like it didn’t work properly.
Upon reflecting, I should’ve prioritised these 2 things right from the beginning. Therefore, we’re gonna ensure you don’t make the same mistake by teaching you how to find Purpose and Self-Acceptance so that you can experience social comfort, a lack of fear and hesitation, and joy in a shorter time than it took me.
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Accept that your brain is not broken, but it is funky which is likely genetic.
I used to think I was stupid. I remember going for a walk to the roundabout down from my Mum’s place back in Wollongong. I saw 2 school peers I knew and I got super anxious. I walked home, sat at my desk in front of my bedroom window and completed some school homework that almost felt like an IQ test. I did quite bad.
This made me angry and flustered that anxiety was impacting my results - so angry that when I took the test again, I did even worse. A horrible mark 😂. I even included this discovery in my email back to the teacher. Clearly I didn’t believe I was totally stupid.
Basically, I thought I was stupid for the marks I got, when really I would not have scored anywhere near that poorly if I’d not been anxious. Anxiety, overthinking and OCD will hinder your ability to socialise and intellectualise, which increases anxiety and the downhill spiral begins.
There seems to be a correlation between wealthy entrepreneurs and channelled neurodivergence. People who once had trouble dealing with ASD (previously called Autism), ADHD and OCD, but turned it into obsession and attention to detail as they started their own business. Notable examples are Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. You see extroverts or people who seem to be present and perfectly able to be themselves and you unsuccessfully try to imitate them.
You need to accept that your brain doesn’t work the same way as theirs. (plus, history shows your potential may even be higher than people with more neurotypical brain function, when your creative and analytical thought processes are channelled in the right direction)
Here’s the easiest thought process I’ve come up with to accept yourself:
Acceptance is the first step to change as they say. If you can’t come to terms with your brain being different, you won’t be able to implement the solution I’m about to talk to you about…
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Overcoming constant social fear and discomfort is like looking for paradise in the desert.
You’d better know which direction it’s in, because it’s a long journey and having no path means you stay lost and with no answer.
You need a path to follow. This gives you something to strive towards through learning and rewiring habits, instead of just focusing on your present issues.
With great reward on the horizon, you feel hope and the journey may finally begin.
People say it’s too hard or “I’m never going to change”, which is simply untrue. Here’s how you can find your own paradise and feel that social comfort and joy in a shorter timeframe than the years it took me.
Download the 10 Questions (Q’s) to Find Your Purpose. Now answer the questions. Keep in mind that the data I’ve obtained from the 700+ people who’ve gone through this practice before you, concludes that you’re much more likely to uncover truths about yourself and what you deeply desire, if you are fully honest in answering these.
To maximise the depth you reach with this practice, you must come back to the 10 Q’s tomorrow and read your answers. Change or add anything you’d like to. If you first answered the questions at nighttime, this second review should be conducted in the daytime.
The day after completing this review, go out and purchase a nice journal that you’d want to write only the most important words inside of. The writing in here will be neat and intentional - so buy a pen that runs smoothly or that you’d like to write with.
Neatly write your answer to Q7 inside of the journal you purchased.
Sidenote: The other sorts of things you’d write inside of your special journal would be epiphanies (a sudden thought that makes everything click), things you’ve learnt about yourself, observations and ideas that feel important or you get the urge to write down.
Anything else can be written in a Digital Notion Diary… but that’s a whole other article entirely.
Without knowledge of where you truly desire to be in life, you will continue to walk around in circles wondering where the f*ck to go and what to do.
If someone’s trapped in an escape room for so long that they start to panic because they’re running out of time and you simply advise them to “get out”, they will certainly not escape and the clock will hit zero. Such is the mind. Such is life.
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Once you’ve found a trajectory to follow, you need to know how to get there.
This is where Associative Habits come in. Inspired by world-renowned author James Clear from Atomic Habits and modified by myself, Associative Habits will systemise the process of becoming the man you want to be.
Here’s what they are and how to begin starting this week, after you’ve gone through my instructions regarding the 10 Q’s to Find Your Purpose:
At 17 years old, after learning investing from The Simple Path to Wealth and identity-shifting from You Were Born Rich, I stumbled upon Atomic Habits by James Clear and found 3 of his lessons extremely powerful.
These lessons are solely what helped me stick to my early mornings, workouts and crypto/investing research once discipline alone made consistency difficult. Let me show you.
The first impactful lesson was Habit Stacking - defined as stacking small habits on top of each other so that by completing the 1st one, the 2nd, 3rd, 4th ones come naturally. The second most significant thing I learnt was the Law of Association - where your Habit Stack is built around a pre-existing habit such as brushing your teeth or simply waking up in the morning.
To begin creating and implementing Associative Habits to reach your goals quicker than it took me to start, follow the 6 steps below.
Remember: You are to begin this process only once you’ve completed the 10 Q’s to Find Your Purpose, reviewed them the next day and purchased a special journal and smooth pen to write your ultimate goals inside of.
Brainstorm a day-in-the-life of you. Q1 of the 10 Q’s to Find Your Purpose may help, but you can do this without.
Identify when in the day would be easiest for you to implement a new habit. Waking up at like 5-6am, you’ll easily have enough time in the morning.
Identify activities and habits around that time that you almost always do, such as waking up ;).
From Question 10 of the 10 Q’s to Find Your Purpose, choose one habit to build around the pre-existing habit identified from Step 3. To confirm if it’s small enough to start, ask yourself, “could this be done every (morning/afternoon/night) no matter what I need to do that day?” E.g. waking up early should always provide ample time to to do yoga at home or research on a laptop.
Here’s the first Associative Habit stack. Place 1 basic action after the pre-existing habit, even something as simple as clapping your hands twice. This will lead into the ultimate habit you want to implement, such as 19 pushups. This is 3 habits in the stack so far. Associate the completion of the 3rd habit with something small such as opening the curtains. Congratulations, this is your first Associative Habit!
Do this every day without fail. Understand that you have a goal now - so each day is of utmost importance.
What now?
Right now you can’t speak to your own closest friends, you can’t look someone in the eyes without feeling uncomfortable, you can’t do well in any uni subjects because you struggle to get out of your head and focus on the work.
You don’t go to parties or out to do interesting things like your peers, you don’t even like yourself and you know that the longer you put off taking action, the more the anxiety’s gonna get worse and you’ll just miss out on more and more.
Social Anxiety has a substantial opportunity cost. You could be living a whole different life, but you continue to live in your own internal world.
This psychological struggle also means you experience a constant feeling of being trapped or stuck. Like when you’re standing in the middle of a walkway trying to decide whether to walk to Coles grocery or walk the other way to go home.
It can be worse than depression because there’s no relief - just intrusive thoughts, fear and hesitation all the time.
Imagine having these issues for your whole life.
Imagine being eternally trapped in that escape room.
By the end of this journey, you will be a happier and more positive human being, with a higher paying career if desired, with close connections, a positive feeling when you look in the mirror and you’ll be able to say and do whatever comes to mind without fearful hesitation.
Download the 10 Q’s to Find Your Purpose to get started.
A group of people on a very similar journey to you is known to make learning and growing faster and easier - join the Peaky Pines Community on Discord.
Much love,
Riley.
P.S. Apply here for help getting where you want to be much faster and with lots less pain.
